Team Teal Tuesday ~ The Band

♥

When my aunt Sue was diagnosed with lymphoma, my mom wore a lime green cancer awareness band in honor of her younger sister's fight. A couple of years later, my aunt Betty was diagnosed with lung cancer, so my mom wore a white band in honor of her older sister's fight.

In February 2011, when my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she said, “Well, if I have to have cancer I’m glad it’s ovarian because I really like the color teal.” I cringed, knowing that she was going to insist that we all wear those teal bands.

She didn't really insist that we wear them; we were actually more than willing to do so. Not only did we wear them, but we handed them out to a whole lot of other people who wore them in honor of our mom as well.

Deb, Denise & Karen

I wore the teal band in honor of my mom every day for the 19 months that she fought ovarian cancer. It was a harsh reminder every morning when I slipped the band over my hand that my mom was dying and there was not one solitary thing I could do about it.

And you know what? I hated that band. I hated what it stood for. I hated that the sight and feel of it on my arm was a constant reminder of what was to come, and I hated the way I felt about the way I felt about it. Like, maybe I shouldn't have been so angry about it. What kind of daughter was I, when there was my sweet grandmother who wore bands for three daughters? {She still wears each of them to this day.}

 

Me, on the other hand? Well, I made a pact with myself that I would wear the teal band until the day we buried my mother. I knew that if I wore it one day longer I’d never really be sure when to take it off.

I’ll admit that it felt very strange to not put that band on my arm the day after my mom’s funeral. I cried about it, feeling like I was abandoning her so soon after her passing and that perhaps my decision was wrong.

{Mom and me}

I keep my teal band in my jewelry box and I do wear it from time to time. I wore it on Mom's birthday this year, and on Mother's Day. And I've been wearing it this month because we're coming up on the first anniversary of her death and I've been thinking about her a lot. That's when I seem to reach for it and slip it on my arm - those times when I'm thinking about her a lot.

And now the band that I never wanted to wear in the first place has become a comfort to me. During the 19 months that I wore it, it became a symbol of my mother's strength and vulnerability and courage and mortality. It became something that I had in common with everyone else who wore a teal band for Marti - all of us wishing and praying for the same thing and sometimes nothing more than just a lot of love for her.

If you joined me in wearing a teal band for my mom, please know that she

loved that! Your kind gesture meant so much to my family and me.

♥ 

PS: I'm wearing mine today. ♥