The lesson in my mandala

I'm new to mandala drawing but I've learned something already: every time I draw one, I love the process even more than the time before.

♥ 

Last Sunday afternoon I sat outside and drew a mandala. I always like to choose an intention or pleasant thought to hold while I draw mandalas, but this time the subject matter chose me.

 

Sunday's date marked a significant event, and my mind was occupied with memories of an important relationship in my life - a relationship that was never balanced - one filled with deep love and a whole lot of mixed up heartache.

While working on the outline for my mandala, my thought soundtrack sounded something like this: "Ugh - my pen was too dark there" and "Shoot - my lines are uneven" and "$&#*, I messed up the pattern." My thoughts were jumbled and my drawing was edgy. I was so tempted to start over, but I resisted the urge to turn the page. Instead I stayed with it, curious to see where it would take me.

 

A few slow, deep breaths...

 

I thought, "Maybe some color will help." And that's when things shifted.

I recalled my focus {that relationship} and marveled at how much my mandala resembled it. There were waves of joy and smooth lines amidst the mess-ups. There were rounded curves peppered with bumps here and there. There were parts that I hated, but not enough to call it a complete failure, or even to turn the page.

As I continued to be with my mandala, there came a sense of acceptance and forgiveness in the process. Adding color felt so symbolic for me - like I was taking charge and bringing a piece of myself into the mix - to heal it in a way.

I colored and filled in and fixed a few lines. I allowed the mess-up's to exist with the parts I accepted as good enough. I added shapes to the edges that expanded its realm, and I recognized the entire process as a whole instead of focusing on a line that I once thought was too thick.

After all the colors had been added, once all the uneven lines were acknowledged and allowed, I felt a sense of relief - a deeper sense of understanding for what was. That relationship so meaningful to me, the one that was never meant to be a safe haven, is really just part of my journey. All those flawed lines and shapes, those bumps along the way, make up who I am today. And even though my mandala isn't picture perfect, it's deep and complicated and effortless and beautiful in its own way. Kind of like my life.

So, so awesome.

♥
{Click here for my mandala tutorial.}