My mom has been gone for two weeks now.
I feel her slip further away with every day that passes.
I feel her slip further away with every day that passes.
I'm not going to lie - it sucks. I'm having a tough time with this process.
♥
{My mom loved strawberries ~ this was an arrangement sent to her services.}
I've mentioned that I was able to spend the last five days of my mom's life with her. Those days were filled with love and conversation and heartbreak and awfulness. Cancer is seriously the most cruel way ever to die, and it's also cruel to loved ones who witness the suffering of someone with cancer.
I know that my presence made my mom's journey more bearable for her, and I'm pretty sure my step-dad {Rod} was glad I was there too. In those moments of sadness, knowing that my mom didn't have long to live, there was a strength that came to me out of nowhere - a strength that I didn't know existed within me. Looking back, it all seems very surreal, and in this moment I know that I made it through with the help of prayer/good vibes/love being sent my way from all over the planet.
Blog friends, local friends, family members blessed me every moment of every day, and in turn it blessed my mom. I was there to hold her hand, to sing to her, to even smile at her and wish her a peaceful journey as she prepared to leave this world.
On the day that my mom died, I had access to the internet on my phone. As Carrie drove us from Mom's house back to my sister's, I scrolled through my messages and I couldn't believe my eyes. SO many lovely thoughts and messages were being sent to us, and beautiful blog posts were popping up to honor my mom. Oh my gosh, you guys, my mom would have LOVED that!
I couldn't leave comments that day, so I made a mental list {not completely reliable in times of duress} and vowed to gather a list of links so that Rod could read them too.
I've pieced together a list of links for blog posts that mentioned my mom, and I'm sharing them below. THANK YOU to each of you who posted about my mom, and for all of those who left such lovely comments on those posts. I have read each of them more than once, and I know others who loved my mom will appreciate them too. They are as follows:
♥ Fiona @ Staring at the Sea ~ a beautiful image in honor of my mom.
♥ Deb @ Deb's World ~ a sweet mention in anticipation of next spring.
♥ Rinda @ Gallo Organico ~ a beautiful poem.
♥ Cheri @ Scrap Dreams ~ described her feelings when she lost her mom {I just couldn't have said it better myself!} {And she also had us in mind for her Friday quote that week.}
♥ Karen @ Random Reflections ~ a very sweet note just before ten super cute photos of her little grandson.
♥ Karen @ Tales from the Scrapheap ~ re-posted her lovely post from my mom's birthday party last year.
♥ Amy @ Over at Our Place ~ a beautiful image, sentiment, and ovarian cancer awareness message.
♥ Alison @ Life in the Slow Lane ~ a sweet note posted the day before my mom died, and this lovely poem later on.
♥ Sian @ From High in the Sky ~ a lovely post about blog friendships.
♥ Jo @ Curly Scrapper ~ The link to the left is for Jo's lovely 10 on the 10th post that she dedicated to ovarian cancer awareness. There are two other posts that are very noteworthy with regard to a Team Teal quilting bee: part I and part II.
And finally,
♥ Stephanie @ La Dolce Vita ~ said it best with her "Thank You" message for the loveliness that is blogging friendship.
If I've missed anyone, please let me know so I can add you to this list. I don't want Rod to miss one little bit of the love you've shown in honor of my mom.
And finally, an extra special thank you for all of your lovely comments, emails, cards, love, and support during this difficult time. I'm looking forward to this sad part being behind us, and all of your little reminders help push me in that direction. I am so very grateful for each of you.
♥ ~ Deb
17 comments:
Darling Deb. You are always in my thoughts. I'm so sorry that you're hurting right now. Allow yourself this time though, OK? It honours your Mom that you miss her so keenly xx
what a blessing that you can see through the pain to all the love that everyone has for you. xo!!
So pleased that all the love and positive thoughts helped you.
Deb, she will never fade away. Little things will bring her to the forefront and they will be happy memories. Yesterday I made my Mom's chicken and dumplings. She always believed rainy days should include a hot dinner to warm our tummys and a treat to make having to stay inside tolerable (usually warm cookies when we got off the bus). The pain will fade and the good memories will take prescendence. Trust me!
ditto what Mel said above. You will never stop missing your Mom but you will begin to accept it as time moves on. I dread the day I lose my own Mum & I have every sympathy for you Deb. You must be thrilled with the love & support you & your family have received & will continue to receive! xx
It will take a long time to pass through the pain of this experience, and I'm sure there will be times down the road that it will be back again. Having been through it twice now, I can say with confidence that the pain eases, but parts of it stay with us. I know your mom was blessed by your presence at the end. Love and prayers to all of you.
It's so good to hear that you are being comforted through this hard time by messages from all over the world. We are all continuing to think of you all here as you take the first steps down the next part of the journey.
I am so glad you have found the messages and posts helpful and supportive.
I hope the knowledge that she - and you - were in our thoughts and included in our prayers, was helpful and encouraging to your mom. I hope it made her hardest journey easier to cope with.
I am sorry you are hurting. It is part of the loss "process", this pain and hurt. It's necessary, even though it is so painful.
But you will find that the pain does fade; sometimes something will bring it back - usually a little thing that reminds you - but somehow those moments become less and those little things become memories that make us smile.
In the end, you will find yourself remembering with joy and gladness - glad that you had your wonderful Mom to share your life.
And in the end - at the end - you will find her again and share all this with her, in the best way.
There never really is an "end" - just a new beginning, though the separation from our loved ones is so painful at times.
You are in my prayers, Deb. I hurt for you too, but I know you will be okay at last. (especially as you have all those wonderful people - family & friends - to support you through this hard time).
My heart and prayers have been with you and your family. I know the pain you feel. It sucks! You will get through the grief, it will take some time. But thankfully you have so many people in your life that support you. Let them lift you when you can no longer stand. You are an amazing woman, and an incredible daughter and mother. Sending you love!
So glad you were able to feel the positive thoughts sent to you from far and near x
I too am so glad you felt comfort from everyone's thoughts and prayers...they are still heading your way dear Deb!
Alison xx
Don't worry Deb. She won't ever slip away entirely. And my guess is that you will feel her presence in waves over the next few week and months.
Just keep going through the motions of living your life, and it will get easier.
Hugs to you,
Rinda
You make it easy for others to give love because you are so fabulous.
Deb, I've just caught up with reading your blog and am so glad you are being lifted by those who love you. So glad the photos brought smiles and good memories and it wasn't as sad as you thought it might be. Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. xx
Continuing to think of you, Deb, and understanding something of how difficult this process no matter how much we 'know' about it in advance. I am glad you are buoyed up by the kindness and love of others :).
The absolute worst part about loving someone is having to say goodbye and losing them. If you hadn't had so much love for each other, it wouldn't hurt so much. This pain will ease. I know you find it hard to believe at the moment, but it will.
Oh my friend! I have goosebumps as I read this. I have to tell you, your mom won't ever fade away from your heart. Sometimes, the pain of it will obscure her presence for a bit, but she will always live in your heart and your memory. In our faith, we say, May her memory be eternal. As long as she is in your heart, she lives on through her lovely family.
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