Thursday, October 9, 2014

Remembering my mom on October 9th.

Can you believe that today is the two-year anniversary of my mom's passing?


The other night I had a sleepless night. I tossed and turned when the lights went out, trying to find a comfortable position but my mind was too busy to allow for that. Thoughts of my mom's passing swirled round and round. In my mind I replayed the five days leading up to her passing. I replayed our conversations, the medications administered, the cassette tape of old church hymns that my stepdad played during her final night - hauntingly familiar from my childhood and a bit unsettling to me, but hopefully of comfort to my mom. God, that was a long night.

I remembered the things we laughed about, the moments that brought tears, the horror of seeing her suffer, the smoke alarm in the hallway screaming just seconds after she passed, calling Doug to say she was gone, choosing flowers for her casket, stitching teal cancer ribbons to wear, writing a speech to give at her services, and feeling so lost and confused for how to proceed with my life without her on the planet to have my back.

I know that in time those memories will not sting so much. I know that I will never forget the details of her passing, but in the past two years since she's been gone I've been able to put into perspective the short amount of time that encompassed her illness and passing. The good times and happy memories far outweigh the painful ones!

For my readers who have been around for a while, you might remember that my mom commented on almost every single post I published. This blog has been such a blessing to me in so many ways, and with my mom's passing I've discovered a new one. The gift of my mom's time and her thoughtful comments continue to bless me anytime I poke around and read old blog posts. And how ironic that there were times when I felt a little embarrassed about her sappy sweet comments (oh, mother...) yet now I read them over and over and hang onto every word.

So today, two years after her passing, I'm paying tribute to her participation in blogland by sharing a few of her comments here in this post. She loved reading my blog, loved reading the comments of my generous blog friends, and loved the opportunity to add her two-cents worth.






And the very last comment she left on my blog, a few days before her passing:

Thanks for loving my blog so much, Mom,
and thanks for the sweet comments you always left for me.
I miss you more than I ever could have imagined I would.

18 comments:

Robyn said...

This was a hard post. :) But in a good way.

why did the smoke alarm go off? That's so crazy!

Cate Brickell said...

I have tears in my tired eyes. I remember thinking ïs that really her mum commenting? how awesome!" and I loved reading every one of them (my mum comments via fb, I think I need to make her comment on the blog)

Thinking of you today as you navigate this tough day xox

Susi said...

Very touching post Deb. Thinking of you and hoping you have a peaceful day.

scrappyjacky said...

A very poignant post,Deb....I loved reading your mom's comments as well...thinking of you today.

Audrey said...

Oh Deb, I'll be thinking of you today and keeping you close in my heart. It's hard to believe 2 years have already passed by. Marti's comments gave me chill bumps.....such a gift they are. My mom has never left even one comment even though she looks at my blog all the time. Marti was one special woman indeed and her love for you and Carrie is evident in her words. Will be sending some kisses up to the sky today! And wouldn't it be cool if I had to rescue another turtle? XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Susanne said...

Consider yourself hugged.

Bev said...

Love you Deb. I'll be thinking of you all day and keeping you and Marti in my prayers.

DFellows said...

113Thinking of you and sending big hugs today!

Sian said...

Thinking about you so hard right now!

What a lovely post, what a gift those comments are. I was going through my email contacts the other day and found her email in there. I kept it in.

I'll wish you a peaceful day too. I like that.

Ruth said...

A wonderful post for today, dearest Deb. I think of Marti (and you, Doug and Carrie) very often and I'm so, so glad that I still have the handwritten notes she sent to me and The Boy Child. It's so hard to think about what a parent has missed, but I try to remember all that he gave to those of us he loved during the oh-so-short time he was with us and somehow that makes it a little easier. Much love to you, dearest Deb. x

Lizzie said...

Teary, but smiling too.
Thinking of you today Deb. Marti was a special woman - how wonderful that her presence is still felt in the world and her warmth an love is still here to surround and support you. X

Karen said...

She must have been a very lovely woman to have brought such a kind sweet soul as you into the world.

Karen said...

Thinking of you, and the wonderful gifts your mom gave you that make you who you are!

Rhona said...

Lovely post Deb and so special that you still have those posts to look back at.
How funny that your smoke alarm went off just after Marti passed. After my MIL passed our doorbell started playing a totally different tune sometimes. Not often but normally when something was going on. We always said it was Grandma Dorothy just letting us know she was still there.
Thinking of you and your family as you remember your Mom.
xxx

furrypig said...

A beautiful post and I am so grateful for all that you have shared about Marti as it has really helped me. Thanks for this post that gives me hope for the future and how my heart may not feel quite as broken in time xxx

Alison said...

Hugs my friend
Alison xx

Becky said...

I had tears in my eyes reading this post. So glad that you can now take comfort in comments you come upon. Hugs to you xx

Dayle said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and this post made me get a bit weepy. How special that she commented on your blog. My mom is my biggest fan. I can't imagine life without her.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...