Can you believe that today is the two-year anniversary of my mom's passing?
The other night I had a sleepless night. I tossed and turned when the lights went out, trying to find a comfortable position but my mind was too busy to allow for that. Thoughts of my mom's passing swirled round and round. In my mind I replayed the five days leading up to her passing. I replayed our conversations, the medications administered, the cassette tape of old church hymns that my stepdad played during her final night - hauntingly familiar from my childhood and a bit unsettling to me, but hopefully of comfort to my mom. God, that was a long night.
I remembered the things we laughed about, the moments that brought tears, the horror of seeing her suffer, the smoke alarm in the hallway screaming just seconds after she passed, calling Doug to say she was gone, choosing flowers for her casket, stitching teal cancer ribbons to wear, writing a speech to give at her services, and feeling so lost and confused for how to proceed with my life without her on the planet to have my back.
I know that in time those memories will not sting so much. I know that I will never forget the details of her passing, but in the past two years since she's been gone I've been able to put into perspective the short amount of time that encompassed her illness and passing. The good times and happy memories far outweigh the painful ones!
For my readers who have been around for a while, you might remember that my mom commented on almost every single post I published. This blog has been such a blessing to me in so many ways, and with my mom's passing I've discovered a new one. The gift of my mom's time and her thoughtful comments continue to bless me anytime I poke around and read old blog posts. And how ironic that there were times when I felt a little embarrassed about her sappy sweet comments (oh, mother...) yet now I read them over and over and hang onto every word.
So today, two years after her passing, I'm paying tribute to her participation in blogland by sharing a few of her comments here in this post. She loved reading my blog, loved reading the comments of my generous blog friends, and loved the opportunity to add her two-cents worth.
And the very last comment she left on my blog, a few days before her passing:
Thanks for loving my blog so much, Mom,
and thanks for the sweet comments you always left for me.
I miss you more than I ever could have imagined I would.