Finding My Way Back to Yoga

I took my first yoga class in the early 1990's. I had always wanted to try yoga, and with a recent divorce I felt ready to open myself up to something new and different.

I registered for a class at my local community college and I remember being super nervous for that first class. I didn’t know my way around campus, didn’t know what to expect from the class, and I wasn’t sure if yoga would really be for me.

 

As usual with worry, it was all for naught. I found the yoga room, the class wasn’t what I expected, but it was definitely for me. It was in that class that I took my first conscious deep belly breath – I breathed on purpose and with purpose.

As soon as I got back to my car after that first class I cried my eyes out. Maybe it was all the oxygen I took in. Maybe I was relieved that I had taken the first step, or the fact that I knew yoga had already changed me – with only one class. I was right where I belonged.

 

Way back then, in the early 1990’s, I was a bit of an emotional case. I was in my 30’s and trying to find my footing in this life. I was cynical and had no spiritual aspirations. I was finding my way with being a single parent, struggling with my body image, self-esteem, anxiety…sigh. Yes, I was a bit of a mess.

Competitive sports had never been fun for me, and I still suffered the sting of always being the last one chosen to be on the team in high school physical education classes. Man, I always hated that! My 7th grade gym teacher once told me that I ran like I was pulling a trailer, so I needless to say, my confidence level in any physical activity was pretty low.

 

One of the things that really appealed to me in that first yoga class was the reassurance from our teacher that yoga was a non-competitive practice. We honored the differences in our bodies, kept our minds free of personal judgment, honored our movements no matter how big or small, and never – I mean never – compared our progress to the person on the mat beside us. I loved that!

As I continued to practice, yoga became a safe haven for me. When the stresses of a crazy work day threatened to rock my boat, I paused and took deep breaths. While standing in line at the grocery store waiting to pay, I used that time to check my posture – to stand tall with my feet planted and breathe deeply while I waited. I found that yoga calmed me, no matter what the situation was.

 

I also carried myself differently and I gained more confidence in my physical abilities. It took time and practice, but eventually I could do some of the more advanced poses, and the physical strength I gained was something I’d never experienced before.

 

That was many years ago, and I could write blog posts about yoga and my experiences with it every day for the next couple of years if I set my mind to it. But this is a blog for random, not yoga. Having a shoulder injury took me away from my yoga practice for a few years, but as of last Saturday I am back on my mat.

 

I registered for a class at my local community college, and I found my way through campus and into the classroom. I kept my eyes on the teacher and not my neighbor, and I honored myself through poses that were once effortless but now presented new challenges for me.

 

After class I cried a few happy tears when I got back to my car. Maybe it was all the oxygen I took in. Maybe I was relieved that I had taken my first step back to yoga, or the fact that I knew yoga had already changed me.

Oh yes, I am right where I belong.

♥